I'm (still) very dumb

This morning I had another lapse in judgement as I made my way to work. I almost got killed a few times, and once very seriously contemplating jumping to my possible death. There is, of course, a long story involved...

I was on the transition ramp from 101 to I-80 E. This ramp is a two lane, 35 mph curve that people usually take at around 70. I usually take it a bit slower because I'm a freeway wuss on pretty much any motorcycle, and the road is grated, and my V-Strom has shitty tires. As I come through the curve, I notice that my lane is blocked by a white car that is blocking the lane sideways and is smashed both in the front and the rear. I note the convenience of the dual smashing, as it's caused the car to fit neatly in to the one lane, whereas otherwise it'd be sticking in to the other lane a bit. I slam on the brakes to avoid hitting him, and other cars behind me slam on the brakes and power merge to go around. This is near death experience number one, and is the least scary.

I notice that the occupant of the car is getting out and he looks ok. He's scurrying around the far side of the car. I roll up to the near side of it and turn on my flashers and ask him if he's ok. He's not from here. I think he's Japanese. He asks me how to call emergency so I yell 9-1-1 to him while miming it in my hand for some reason. At this point I hear screeching and notice a pickup struggling to slow down fast enough to keep from creaming me. Not good. NDE numero dos.

This is where my brain totally shuts down. A desire for self-preservation would dictate that I immediately wish the guy luck and get the fuck off the freeway. He's visibly shaken, though, and I can't imagine how scary that would be. His car is destroyed, and he's in what would become the fastest of like seven lanes of freeway traffic, so there's no escaping without some serious Frogger skills. He doesn't know 911, so there's a good chance he won't be able to tell anyone how to get to him. Meanwhile, cars are barrelling down on him from around a curve, noticing the wreck just a split second early enough to slow down (hopefully). Another motorist has now stopped on the far side of his car and is on his phone helping describe where we are. They are standing between his car and hers, where they will most certainly be sandwiched if someone doesn't stop fast enough.

I get off the bike and stand near it, waving my arms frantically above my head to signal oncoming cars that uh... there's a person here waving their arms frantically. I can see the tops of cars all the way down the ramp, and I start to get pretty good at being able to tell which ones see me and are slowing down, and which are hauling ass. Some people are even changing in to my lane to go around the cars that are slowing down to go around the wreck.

The best adjective for this situation is chaos. I'm scared out of my balls that someone's going to nail me, but I'm also scared that if I stop waving at the cars long enough to jump on my bike and get the fuck out of there, that I'll definitely get nailed, because there won't be anyone signalling them. I decide to stick it out.

It took fifteen fucking minutes for the fucking highway patrol to arrive. FIFTEEN FUCKING MINUTES. To get to a car that's in what is quite possibly the worst position one can be in, with three people in danger of getting killed. I know they're busy... I know they have priorites. I'm not saying they suck. The situation sucked though. I spent the entire time, in heavy motorcycle gear, with my arms waving above my head so people would see me. At one point, a car ducked out of the clear lane and in to mine to try to go around the slow cars, and it occurred to me that one of my only outs would have been to dive over the barrier, falling something like a hundred feet. Not good. At another point, a car in my lane slammed on its brakes when it finally noticed me (driver on the fucking phone, by the way). When he noticed the car behind him squealing, he let up and was again coming at me fast. I dove on to the crumpled hood of the wrecked car, despite the smoke and various chemicals that were leaking from it, as the oncoming car came within a couple feet of my bike, which was right next to the car.

The driver started helping me wave at traffic, but from the other lane. I heard at least two racial slurs yelled at him, and he eventually became so scared of the charging traffic that he returned to his haven of safe refuge between the cars. I thought this was probably ok. Best to not confuse or further distract people.

Finally, CHP rolled up and blocked both lanes about 40 feet down from where I am. Once he got the first six cars or so blocked, then that pretty much took the danger element out of it all. I was so relieved that I almost just sat down. Instead I ran up to him and told him that nobody was hurt, the white car was the only one involved, and I was going to get the fuck off this freeway now if that was alright with him. Thankfully, it was.

After all that, I had to wrestle with my bike to keep from dropping it, as it was parked on the banked curve of the ramp and I was so anxious to just get the hell out of there. I struggled to keep my head clear as I merged on to 80 and then across the lanes to get to my exit. I managed to get to work safely, albeit a bit nauseated from the excitement. I ate a couple of oatmeal cookies and downed a Pepsi and felt better, so all is well.

I don't know why I have this weirdo good samaritan streak in me. I sort of suspect it's part voyeur, part schadenfreude, and part genuine desire to try to help people out. I simply can't resist stopping at an accident and making sure people are ok and helping out where I can. I can't resist calling 911 when I see some crazy shit go down like a knife fight in front of a liquor store, or a bus on Market street whose marquee reads "HELP NEEDED. CALL 911". I've seen these things for real, and watched dozens of other people around me ignore them, but for some reason I gotta get myself involved. Complacency is not my strong suit, I guess. Maybe I'm supposed to be a super hero!!